In the summer of 2003 I traveled to Greece in order to revolutionise pop music with this most amazing singer I’d met in London the previous winter. It didn’t happen.

Instead, I spent the most magical summer with the singer who I thought might be the woman I’ll spend the rest of my life with, arguing about life and admiring sunsets together until the very end. That didn’t happen either.

Instead, I experienced the most life-changing summer with her, brief yet transformative, parts of which I documented in my diary at the time…

All grammatic errors from the original handwritten entry are left in.

DAY 7 + 8:

Sunday morning.

Writing this on a beach bar overlooking (from the balcony) a turquoise bay and golden beach below, on a small island in Halkidiki.

We came here on Friday: Eleni, Natasha, Adriana, Voula and me. First I was against the whole idea to come here for the weekend, because I wanted to get some music started in Thessaloniki (we still haven’t made anything). And Voula wanted that too. But somewhere deep in the sparkle of her eyes I could see she desired for this holiday, and I must admire her commitment to music in the expense of this trip.

So here we are, have been, will leave soon. It’s been a magical time for me (at least), very inspiring and above all – so relaxing. Swimming (finally), hanging out on the beach, canoeing to distant and empty beaches, playing chess, going out to this local beach bar, sitting around fire in the full moon beach…and going lunatic!

Friday night, after everyone went to sleep from drinks in the beach bar, I wandered back to a quiet part on the beach, equipped with walkman and JAMES: PLEASED TO MEET YOU – a definite soundtrack to this trip!

Its emotional complexity, richness and new kind of beauty matches my feelings here…

And what a moment that was, listening to this album watching full moon travel across the sky and hearing the waves in the background. Such a multimedia show it’s hard to replicate anywhere else.

Last night we gathered around a fire, drank some ouzo and watched the full moon. It had a moment of incredible beauty for me, like entering a dream time. Sometimes in moments like this I become speechless, tantalised beyond words, and this can create confusion in others…like what happened last night. And this combined with my growing mixed emotions about Voula and with the effect of full moon, made my emotions suddenly spin around. I left the others, went back to our tent, but couldn’t even think of sleeping. Came back to beach, heard JAMES played at the bar, and went back to the others around fire, apologizing. Then Voula and Adriana left suddenly, which made me sink, and I went back to the tent. No one there, and I began to feel helpless with my spinning emotions…

Thank god V and A came back and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. So then on a quiet beach under silver moon I told my feelings to Voula.

And they should be clear now. On another, paraller reality I might marry her, travel through this life in love with her, but in this reality we shall stay “just” friends. Shall we?

Back at the tent I heard ‘I’m Deranged’ by Bowie/Eno pulse through the night from the beach bar, and I went there with Eleni to join Adriana and Natasha (Voula stayed in) for a drink.

The music at the bar made my feelings spin around even more, but now in a more positive way…more relaxed. More relieved. Oh, don’t we love holidays!

DAY 9:

Back in Thessaloniki.

Yesterday was a very beautiful day (again) on the island. I rented a canoe again and roved to this empty “paradise” beach. Swimming, sunbathing. Then Voula and Adriana came there too (they saved my life: the brought suncream!) via cliffs. We made a shade with the canoe and a big rock, did diving exploring the rich seabed, and later I lay in the shade while they were swimming. Just lying there on rough sand, hearing only the waves and cicadas and feeling the warmth of the sun felt so gorgeous! I felt strangely primitive, on a desert island. So happy…

“Oh oh / oh no / all gone / there’s nothing to hold me down.” Singing JAMES while rowing on big waves.

The car drive back to Thessaloniki was beautiful. Squeezed on the back seat between my two favourite girls (V+A), the journey was an interplay of breathtaking landscapes, colours of light, flowing highways, sunset and music…like the best road movie without any underlying drama.

On a radio there was this song with uplifting housebeat and shimmering synths, and it sounded like it was Mike Skinner of The Streets painting his lyrical wondrousness on the top. One point he recited “I love you still”, a moment when I felt Voula’s head against my shoulder. God did I almost flow with tears. I’m always such endless romantic…

Back at home we made a nice salad, sat on the balcony under full moon, and went for a walk around the castle.

Life.

DAY 10:

“Everytime we go out walking, we past the castle on the hills…” (continue the lyrics)

A bit lazy day this has been…woke up late and then lying long in the bed with Voula. Finally we got ourselves out and had a lovely walk down the hill in the sunshine. We went to see some record shops and ask around about studios to record V’s vocals. This guy at the Lotus record shop enthused about Brian Eno’s ‘DRAWN FROM LIFE’ album, claiming it to be one of the most important releases of any decade.

Then to visit this one studio in downtown, 26 € per hour. The engineer recognised Voula from her previous live shows. But the place too dark and smoky for me to feel good there, and this guy (engineer) talks so much that I wonder if I could focus there.

I had hoped Voula would go swimming with Adriana afterwards so I could spend afternoon on my own, working on ideas and inspiring myself now that I feel so good anyway. But she decided to stay with me (were my hugs and kisses too good to miss?). It made me slightly anxious since I seem to need some time every day to spend on my own (in London this is other way around, I have too much time for myself!). So our afternoon became very lazy, clinging onto each others on the balcony and in the bedroom.

I love the feel of her.

I love the scent of her.

(Now I have escaped to the balcony with JAMES and iced coffee).

Yesterday we began to work on our project, but it felt too laissez-faire composing for me, and I adopted my usual critical and grumpy mode during every step. And this simply doesn’t help any creativity. So we had some useful arguing and then Voula was off to her rehearsal with her other group. I worked on some material as the night fell, and then went to meet Adriana and Makis (?) and we went to an open-air cinema (with one loudspeaker only and someone in the neighbouring house throwing a party. Heard Junior Senior while watching this ultra-serious movie). Then we went to Elvis for drink (a trendy electro bar). So lovely company! Full moon still on. The old Arabic man selling roses had such friendly eyes!

On the taxi way back home I realised how much I had missed Voula during the night out.

A tender night.